A Musician by Any Other Name

Music is ever-present on the islands. Strolling down the street, you'll hear tunes blasting from cars and songs coming from outdoor speakers. Reggae and island style music seem to be the predominant choices around here. Walk into any grocery or retail store and you're bound to hear some of your favorite tunes adapted to the island style. (Picture "Enter Sandman" with ukulele.)

While the island and reggae music are great, sometimes you're just in the mood to hear something else. Anything else. Which brings us to Open Mic Night at our local cafe. For some unknown reason, I thought that maybe, just maybe, musicians would be of a different ilk 2600 miles from the mainland. My mistake. The words "Open Mic" are the same bugle call for weirdos and misfits here as they are on the mainland. Entertaining, surprising and mostly fun, open mic is a great way to pass the time for the low low price of a cup of coffee.

Last night, there seemed to be somewhat of a theme at open mic. The stage was overrun with banjos and harmonicas a la Soggy Bottom Boys. I really like that style, but after an hour or so of act after act doing the same thing, I started to feel like I should throw on some overalls and blacken out a few teeth. It seems to go like that, though, different themes every few weeks. A couple of weeks ago the theme was "let's sing originals about the environment in a new-age jazzy kind of way." Not my personal favorite.

There are, of course, a few people who get up and do some reggae, and even though you hear it a lot, it still gets you groovin' and tapping your toe. Then there's my husband, Mr. Stephanie, who sticks mainly to his rockabilly originals and rock n'roll covers. He doesn't really fit in, but people seem to like that. Something a little bit different for the coffee house scene. One of the standing favorites is a guy named Peter. He plays a 12-string and I guess the best description for his style is "Progressive Rock." I'm not sure if that even fits, though. He does heartfelt originals and his voice reminds me of Geddy Lee. Everybody loves Peter.

Musicians are just as weird and fabulous in Hawaii as they are anywhere else. The uber-talented pros are always great to watch and even the just-starting-out acts have something to offer. I, for one, am glad they're willing to put themselves out there for us to enjoy, sing along with, and occasionally make fun of...

Menace to Society

While the beach may be a beautiful and relaxing place, it also holds many dangers that people need to be aware of. Jellyfish can sting you, the sun can burn you, and salt water in the eyes really hurts. Frightened yet? Well, you should be, and I haven't even told you about the most menacing of all creatures lurking at the beach...the kite surfer. (Insert ominous music here).

The kite surfer and his less widely seen cousin, the wind surfer, poses a threat to the genteel beach goer just hoping to relax. It all begins when you enter the park that leads to the beach. The kite surfer will have his gear laid out upon the ground. This makes for an obstacle course of strings, hooks, and huge kites to walk through. One pictures a scene of clown-like slapstick while jumping over and dodging said strings. You hop, you skip and you tip-toe, all the while thinking, "I hope this isn't going to be like the cartoons if my ankle gets caught in the string." Rest easy though, the kites probably aren't strong enough to carry you, upside down, back to the mainland.

Once you make it through the maze without tripping, you breathe a sigh of relief and stake out your prime spot on the beach. The kiddies' faces gleam with happiness as they enter the warm water and set about the task of boogie boarding or body surfing. Mom and Dad lie back and enjoy the sunshine and fresh sea breeze. But wait, what's this? That damn kite surfer almost took little Johnny's head off with his board. Should they really be this close to shore? And where'd that wind surfer come from? Doesn't he know that pointy thing could impale someone? Do they think they own the beach?

Unfortunately, they do. It's just a fact of life here, along with the jellyfish. My suggestion is to put on your dancing shoes, find an empty spot, and hope for the best...all in the name of a relaxing day at the beach.

Note: Kite surfing is a way to (sort of) surf when the water is flat with little to no waves. It involves a lot of gear (strings, pulleys, etc.), a board, and enough wind for the kite to pull you across the water. Another, less complicated way to enjoy the flat water is paddle boarding. Basically a surfboard and a paddle. There you go.

Boobs on the Beach

Living near one of the most beautiful beaches in the world is amazing. Kailua Beach is pristine, gorgeous, and usually not over-crowded. Of course, every once in a while something annoying or weird can happen, like the guy who decides to light up his cigarette and sends smoke your way. And there's the occasional group of people who park their butts right next to you even though there are a lot of other spots open. Annoying, but not enough to make one leave in a huff. The beach is also a great melting pot of locals and tourists from all over the world and it's not uncommon to hear different languages being spoken.

Today, I saw something I hadn't seen before. A group of people sat ridiculously close to us and engaged in a loud (but interesting) conversation. From what I could gather, the family was from Italy, the husband and children spoke with heavy accents and the wife was American. There was an older woman with them who I think was the wife's mother, because she also spoke with an American accent.

"Did you see?" the woman's mother asked her.
"See what?"
"Topless, can you believe it?"
"She must be Italian. Only an Italian woman would take her top off at the beach."
"Hmmm...or maybe a French woman."

I was lying on my towel during this conversation and was certainly not going to look around and see who they were talking about. My husband and son were in the water and as far as I know, they weren't aware of any nekked ladies sunning themselves. I had never seen anyone go topless on our beach before. I don't know if it's illegal, but people just don't do it.

As we were getting ready to leave, I stood up and looked down the beach. Sure enough, there was a topless woman sitting straight up, talking to a man. "Holy crap" escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

"What?" My husband asked, looking in the same direction.
The expression on his face let me know that he'd looked directly into the sun (so to speak) and wasn't planning on shielding his eyes.

As I said, I don't know if going topless is against the law, but here is my general rule of thumb if you're considering it:
If they're worse than mine...go for it. Let your freak flag fly.
If they're better than mine...you are a shameless hussy and you need to keep them penned up.

Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Lunch Break...

Living on the island, you have to learn to go with the flow. You can't rush people, you can't make the world turn faster, and if you hurry...you'll just end up waiting even longer. It takes a while to get used to this pace, but once you do, it just seems normal.

We live in a condo building with a central mail area. All of the post boxes are set into one wall in a covered section near the parking garage. The mail generally comes in the late morning, but sometimes it varies. I've seen a few mail carriers since we've been here, but one in particular seems to deliver to our building quite often.

The first time I saw her, she had all the mailboxes open and was sitting on a bench drinking a Gatorade. Mail key in hand, I smiled and she waved, making no move to actually put the mail in those open boxes. I went back up to my condo and got my mail later in the day.

The next time I saw her, she had all the mailboxes open and was sitting on a bench eating a sandwich (Subway, I think). Again, mail key in hand, I smiled and she waved.

By the third time I ran into her sitting on the bench, mailboxes open, taking a break, I knew the drill. Apparently, our delivery coincides with her lunch break and I certainly don't begrudge people taking their breaks. You just accept it and realize, the mail may come in the late morning, but don't expect to collect it until early afternoon. Such is island life...

Note: Kailua has the coolest postal workers I've ever encountered. Waiting at the Post Office isn't such a pain in the ass when you know you'll get a smile and a friendly "Aloha."

The Good, the Bad and the Spooky

Living in paradise offers some great opportunities to get out and enjoy nature. We're lucky that we live close to the beach and we can spend time there whenever we want. Like most working folk though, we tend to spend our evenings in the living room. My husband and I like to light candles and "chillax" while the kids are doing their thing. One evening, as we were on the sofa, candles lit, just enjoying talking to each other, we somehow got on the subject of tarot cards. I'm not sure how the topic came up, but after a minute or so, one of the candles went out. No gust of wind had come through, so it was a little odd. This slightly eerie experience got me thinking about superstitions and wondering about Hawaiian legends and customs.

One of the beliefs in Hawaii is that visitors should take nothing from the islands or they will have bad luck. Is this true? I don't know for sure, but remember what happened to Greg Brady? I, for one, am not going to take that chance. Speaking as a non-native resident, I'd say take home what you buy in the gift shop, but leave the rocks, sand and artifacts where they belong. Common sense, really.

Another story, and my personal favorite is that you cannot take pork over the Pali Highway or you will have bad luck in the form of car trouble. The Pali Highway carries travelers from the Leeward side to the Windward side of the island. Legend has it that Pele, the Volcano Goddess, had a tumultuous relationship with a half man, half pig demi-god and that she will stop the transfer of pork from one side of the island to the other. I'll be buying my bacon close to home instead of in Honolulu, just to be safe.

Perhaps the most beautiful custom is the giving of the flower lei. Leis are to be offered with a kiss and removed in private. I did read that it is bad luck for a pregnant woman to wear a lei. They truly are wonderful, beautiful gifts and visitors should be pleased when someone thinks enough of them to present them with a lei. There are all different kinds of leis ranging from the very feminine to the oh-so-manly, so everyone can feel special. Just remember that it's impolite to remove your lei in front of the person who gave it to you.

I asked my husband if he had heard of any legends or tales at work.

"Hmmm...well there's 'Liquor before beer, have no fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker'."

Not exactly a superstition, but useful information nonetheless.

I am a fairly superstitious person. You'll never see me walk under a ladder or step on a crack. If a black cat crosses my path, I'll be a nervous wreck for a week. I always knock on wood and throw spilled salt over my left shoulder and Heaven help me if I break a mirror. Now, should you decide to err on the side of caution, when you do make it to Hawaii you'll know how to handle your lei, you'll be sure to take only pictures and leave only footprints, and you won't transfer pork over the Pali. Oh, and one more thing, never bring bananas on a boat.